I know that attention whores are the only people that say this but my reasons are a little different. My number one reason for why I want to be see myself as beautiful is by looking in the mirror and being proud that I feel like this is the body that fits my personality. Right now its not a match. My second reason is because my dad has always been on my case since 6th grade about losing weight. In 7th grade he made me go on Nutrisystem which actually really worked but a 7th grade girl on that diet seems somewhat sketchy esp. since I had to hide my nutri-food at lunch time so I wouldn’t get caught. So basically my 2nd reason is so that I can have my dad proud of showing his beautiful and skinny family off. And my last reason is that someone at my church once told me that somewhere out in the world there is a guy who is wondering what I look like. This mystery man is also perfecting himself for me so I should probably do the same. So those are my reasons. Go ahead and call me and attention whore for saying that “I am ugly” and “no one would ever want me”, but behind those words these are there true meanings.
I wish I could tell you over text, on a phone call, or even in person that yes sometimes I tweet about you. And I don’t want to say anything cause I am pretty sure that is very immature. So when you ask me if I am good and such I will just keep lying and tell you I am fine because I know that I am just temporarily angry. There will never be a time that I speak my mind to you because I did that once before and I lost you……I don’t ever plan on having that happen again. I am in it for the long run.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that’s how I felt all day. Like seriously fuck it all. I have never been so like ugh?! I normally like coming back to school from break. But today I just wanted to throw myself infront of a car. And the only thing I have ate today is apples and nutella.
Whatever. Going to go cut myself 10 th time since break started.