Why do I always chose to do the stupid things in life? I can honestly say no one knows how much I am hurting right now. Like people say that your life is better than someone who is in a third world country. But right now I am considering just being friendless. Like really and truly considering this. I just find myself always trying to please others and I lose sleep over it I stress about it and all I ever want to do is help others. Maybe being a loaners the best way to teach myself to worry more about myself than about others. Crying my freaking eyes right now. Crying so hard that there no more tears in my tear ducts. I just could fall asleep and stay asleep forever. Night.
Next year when I turn 18. I am leaving. I don’t care if I become homeless or I have no money. I am leaving. Being homeless and poor. Ya I would get more love from being like that than living in this place called home. My dad always has to argue with me and it just gets old coming home and arguing or having a disagreement with him. Like I said the more homeless I am, the better. We just hate each other end of story.
This week, out of all weeks, will be the toughest on me. I think Mrs. Dolce gave me her virus flu thing and I am tired as af. Also this morning I missed my bus and so I had to call the boys to come pick me up. Which was even worse because all they did was argue about sports and such. I just want some rest. Then my grandpa has to go in for a biopsy this week on Wednesday which is make me really emotional all day. And last but not least I have LOADS OF HOMEWORK this week. Today is not my day. This week is not my week.
Last night I got yelled at by my dad. This morning I was stressing about being referee. And now I got stood up by my date for tonight’s game. I have been crying for the last 2 hours but I now know why I got stood up. It was because I wasn’t pretty enough for him and he thought I had a pretty face but then he saw a soccer picture I was in and told my cousin that he couldn’t go out with a fat cow like me. Ya here come more tears. This is the first worst weekend of my senior year.
I think I am going to try a different way of dieting. It may not be the smartest way of dieting but I have already done it the past two days and its worked. If I keep it up I may lose at least 5 pounds. Let’s hope for the best.
Forgetting everyone else so I can just focus on myself. Everyone was really mean to me today. So I think my best bet is to bottle up and keep things to myself for awhile. Who knew having friends was such a tough job. I thought friendships were supposed to be easy and not need to be maintained. Guess not…
It’s that moment where you have just about everything balanced in life and then you find out your grandpa who has just recently recovered from heart bypass surgery now may have a tumor in his lung. It all hit me when I was folding the laundry and all I could think about is how much my grandpa has been their for me in my life. I just slipped onto the ground of the laundry room and cried. Cried for an hour and just when I would stop crying more tears came. Then my mom came and sat down next to me and cried with me. I am just so scared for next week. I hope it’s just nothing more than a bump. All I have been doing now is praying. Praying so hard. Reading the book of Matthews in my Bible