This evening started out awkward but turned out to be really good. I am glad I went to Daniel’s birthday party. It was alot of and fun and I caught up with Rachel and met some new people. BUT the best part of my night was the fact that I got to drive to the party by myself and drive home by myself. Driving is seriously the best freedom to have as a teen. Glad my parents trust me enough to drive by myself. And I am glad to know that my curfew is only 11(; That should be interesting. Anyways glad to hear that my best friend had a good day as well I wish I could of been at 2 places at once ): Whelp going to hit the sac now since I am awfully tired and have to get up early to put in the grass in the backyard tomorrow so yeah. Goodnight(:
Making a pros and cons list about tonight. I mean it would be pointless to go since it’s a swim l party and I have my reasons for not going to swim parties. But yet again it’s my best friends birthday. But I have feeling I will put aside; which is okay and all for some people but not me. Ahhhhhhhhhh dlfjlajsjrjsndkdkntsnsksjdtbt this sucks!!
All I feel right now is regret and guilt. All because my mom is mad at me for not taking the other surgery date and it was killing me knowing that she was right all along. And it doesn’t help that we argued on the car ride to the dentist office. Seriously just because of her putting me through that guilt is making me feel like this surgery isn’t going to be worth it in the end. Ugh this is taking over my mind. And now its got me thinking that even after my surgery I am still not going to happy with this decision. I don’t plan on sleeping tonight. dgaf going to go make myself 2 cups of coffee.
Song of the night for me since this is exactly how I am feeling
You and me We used to be together Everyday together always I really feel That I’m losing my best friend I can’t believe This could be the end It looks as though you’re letting go And if it’s real Well I don’t want to know
Don’t speak I know just what you’re saying So please stop explaining Don’t tell me cause it hurts Don’t speak I know what you’re thinking I don’t need your reasons Don’t tell me cause it hurts
Our memories Well, they can be inviting But some are altogether Mighty frightening As we die, both you and I With my head in my hands I sit and cry
Don’t speak I know just what you’re saying So please stop explaining Don’t tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no) Don’t speak I know what you’re thinking I don’t need your reasons Don’t tell me cause it hurts
It’s all ending I gotta stop pretending who we are… You and me I can see us dying…are we?
Don’t speak I know just what you’re saying So please stop explaining Don’t tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no) Don’t speak I know what you’re thinking I don’t need your reasons Don’t tell me cause it hurts Don’t tell me cause it hurts! I know what you’re saying So please stop explaining
Don’t speak, don’t speak, don’t speak, oh I know what you’re thinking And I don’t need your reasons I know you’re good, I know you’re good, I know you’re real good Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la Don’t, Don’t, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin’ Hush, hush darlin’ Hush, hush don’t tell me tell me cause it hurts Hush, hush darlin’ Hush, hush darlin’ Hush, hush don’t tell me tell me cause it hurts
I am pretty sure that your best friend isn’t supposed to act like a jerk when there is someone they like hanging out with us. And then for you to say this, “I hope she doesn’t think there is anything going on between us.” Is like taking a knife and shoving it in someone’s vagina. Seriously that’s how painful it was. Oh yeah cause you are 100% nothing will ever happen between us. Cool. But I guess this is better than the girl you were dating before since she treated you like shit and we could all see it. I get it. Of course you aren’t going to be single for forever, but it seems like I am going to be the last person among our group of friends to actually find someone who I could be in a relationship. Actually scratch that I would rather not be involved with anyone. Ever. Just focus on school and my career and then that’s it. God’s vocation for me is the single life I just know its somewhere deep down there.
And if today couldn’t have gotten any worse my mom is making me feel so guilty about getting my surgery next week. I just think I am not going to get it. All it is seriously causing problems. It’s turning into this big drama mess that I don’t want in my life right now. I would rather have back pain for the rest of my life then deal with the fact that my mom is getting all pissy at me for choosing to get it next week. The sooner the better is my plan for next Monday.
Ya I would spend time writing right now like writing out my thoughts. But I can barely see the keys through all my tears. Getting my surgery next week. No backing out now. And my dadtold me if I kept crying he would just cancel everything. So have to hold back more tears I guess.
It’s sad that I am scared to go work in my front yard. I want to stay far away from one neighbor and the other neighbor still has my heart.</3 Then when I do try to talk to one neighbor the other one’s brother decides to scream “hello” to me -__- That didn’t help. And just when I finally got the guts to say “hi” to you you don’t even look back and then you go inside the house. I would also like to add that what hurts more than that is seeing 2 prettier girls than me walk inside the house. Even though the holes you left in my heart are old they still feel fresh and make me want to cry. Staying in my room today trying to re-evaluate the choices and people in my life.
Yeup. I am hoping we don’t talk anytime soon. Since its like gunna be stabbing a knife through my heart a bajillion times. Cool can’t wait to cry about that afterwards. Sucks since we are hanging out soon too /_____: I think I might cry now. I think I am going to make the right decision about next Friday. Like it’s a done deal I am not going. If I have to I will get food poisoning. End of story. Night.
I know Jackie is away at Steubie. But the like the one time I need her advice the most she is off at Steubie and I don’t want to ruin her weekend so when she gets back hopefully things will be better. But if things aren’t I am going to be really messed up on Monday /__: I MISS YOU JACQUELINE ROBBIE CLAPROTH</3
Well two of my very close guy friends are starting World War 3. And I am torn between the 2 of them because they both have been there for me at all times. It’s really hard to hear all the anger they express to me about the each other. I just hate the fact that they can’t sit down and just get past this. OH WAIT! They were supposed to but now its not happening its neither of there faults but I am more that 100% sure this is now going to cause a lot of problems. And I have top be the peacemaker. Joy for round 2 tonight/tomorrow.
Seriously I am so blessed with so many good friends. Tonight was such fun. I love last minute plans. Then my night got better when I got a phone call from my best friend and we just got off the phone. Longest talk since like sophomore year. But seriously today was really good. Glad my senior photos will be here in like 3 weeks jk I think look ugly af in them but who cares everyone is too worried about how they look in there own photos so I am not the least bit worried. Whelp time to hit the sack too bad most of my time will spent thinking about next and how so many good things are happening next week.
Carly A. Johnson♥:D A great person once wrote “You’re a true friend You’re here till the end You pull me aside When something ain’t right Talk with me now and into the night 'Til it's alright again You’re a true friend” 7 weeks after I was born God blessed me w the one person who I think will ever love me the most, my beautiful and comedic cousin.<3
We were inseparable. Always. Carly is the most funniest person I know. She is also the most understanding and open-hearted person I know. Besides the love I have for God Carly comes close. She has been there for me always and I don’t know how I could ever repay her. She is my go to sister. She listens to me, gives me excellent advice on everything, my shopping partner, my comedian when I need a good laugh, and best of all the shoulder I need to cry on.
She doesn’t know this but for that short time that we were separated, I had felt like a part of me died. Almost like when you lose your best friend or in this case a sister. Carly puts up with every and all my blonde moments. I can tell her everything she is my diary since I was too lazy to write in one. She knows more about me then anyone ever will. She loves me at all time and only wants the best for me. Most times I think I annoy the heck out of her, but she has to love and listen to me since we are literally attached at the hip.
I seriously wish Carly and I lived so close together that we went to the same school. I have always treated equal to me even if she is a grade under me, I know in my heart she will always be the same age and same grade as me. Carly helps me learn new things and helps me understand things from her perspective.
I have high aspirations for my cousin (: She is going to behind the camera as a director and screenwriter. Then she is going to put together outfits and do make-up and hair for people. And then she WILL be on SNL when she gets older. Even if I have to fly her out to New York my freakin’ self.
Carly is the only person that can make me laugh until I pee myself. Which has happened before. We have had such amazing experiences together and I only hope that as we get older we can make many more. The best part about our childhood though was all the dress-up and make-up Carly did on me. I was her human Barbie; literally. Always when I would come over she would ask me if she could practice make-up on me. So I better get partial credit for her profitable future in the film industry.
Carly you are my sister honestly as much as you are in reality my cousin. I would much rather you be considered my sister than my cousin. I love every moment we spend together. And I just give God one humongous thank you for each and every day I have you in my life. You complete my fantasy life that I have always dreamed of.
Sisters. Best Friends. Cousins. Till the day I die♥